Lifetime Warranty
by poxelda
Summary: Bored Sunday fluff. No warnings.


"So, uh, Mac?" Jack wiped the sheet of water slashing them from his face. He pulled the foil blanket tighter. His boots slid on the slick stone. He steadied himself by grabbing his partner's arm. Mac gasped his rigid muscles shaking. He clamped a hand on Jack's arm hard enough to make the older man wince.

"Mac...dude, you gotta breathe, man."

"Um." Mac's eyes squinted even more shut. Jack leaned over to pull the kid's silver hood up. Mac whimpered his grip tightening.

"Ow, dammit, Mac stop gouging me. We're fine, ok." Jack's words would have been much more reassuring if he didn't wobble. Mac leaned back pressing harder into the stone as if he could meld with it. His eyes were open and huge with terror. Jack regained his footing. He began to worry about Mac.

"Hey, easy. Just breathe,ok? Passing out won't help us." Mac stared at Jack as if he was crazy. Jack inched closer and put his hand on Mac's shoulder. The kid was shaking. Jack pulled his own hood up and leaned back, "Sure is pretty up here, isn't it?"

"Hrm?" Jack smiled. He looked down and scraped his boot on the six inch ledge they perched on.

"You know I've been higher, one time I had to do a HALO to Tibet-this, this ain' nothing." Mac closed his eyes and seemed to fade another shade. Jack frowned. At this rate, his brother would be passing out and falling the 7,000 feet to the ground. Jack tried again.

"Well look at it this way, you got to see Mancha Pikachu."

"M...machu...p...oichu." Mac stuttered. Jack smiled. Worked every time, "it's a...Q...Quechua word...m...meaning O..gold...mountain." Water flew out from Mac's mouth with each word. Jack didn't like the bluish-white tinge his partner's skin was turning. He glanced at his watch then the sky. Rescue should be there in ten minutes, or never. Jack swallowed. He put on a brave front, but he was starting to feel panic trickle through his nerves.  
They were high up on an almost vertical mountain face in the middle of a monsoon. Jack sluiced away water. The wind made the wind feel like a sandblaster tearing at his flesh. This high up the air was thin and cold. Jack smiled.

"Say, Mac?"

"Uhm."

"Do you wanna take apart my phone? I don't know, make a radio or something." Mac ground his teeth together.

"I...I told you-"

"No signal would get through. I get that, man, but I need you to rip apart my phone or something." Mac turned his head and stared at Jack like the old man had grown feathers.

"What are you talking about?" Jack grinned and leaned back shifting his weight. He dug into his back pocket wincing as Mac's nails dug deeper into his arm. He pulled out his cell. Mac stared at it then at Jack.

"This, mi amigo, is the Tank 9000. It is made out of titanium steel and comes with a lifetime warranty against anything, up to and including you." Jack grinned triumphantly. Mac narrowed his eyes. He look hurt.

"I get it, brother, you take sadistic delight in tearing apart my stuff. I understand, I do. My dad had a labrador puppy that did the same thing to his shoes. I get it's a sign of affection, but it gets expensive after awhile, ya know?"

"A...affection?" Jack grinned and rubbed the phone once again

marveling at the camo case that felt more solid than the ammo boxes they carried over in Afghanistan. He held it out and leaned closer to Mac.

"Smile, selfie time!" Jack snapped the camera then grinned delighted at the quality of the picture, "Look at that, awesome right? You can almost see individual drops and there's no blurriness. Bad-Ass!" Jack turned at a groan from Mac. The kid looked like he was about to puke. Jack sighed. Only another ten minutes to go.

"I went to that little booth in the mall. I thought I should bargain shop, right? " And the other phone stores won't let me in, Jack thought dryly. He wish he had a dollar for all the money the phone companies paid out on their warranties. Jack was working on Matty to get a special contract. Everytime the company found out his name would be on the account, the company dropped him. It sucked.

"There was this cute redhead, and I mean cute!" Jack waited for the eye roll. None, "Mac, you listening brother?"

"Uhm."

"Ok, good. Anyway Cindy or Sara or Cynthia-didn't get her name." Jack was relieved to hear an amused snort from his partner, "Anyway, she said that this little bugger here had a lifetime warranty. You hear that, lifetime! She said that if I broke it in any way I would get a new one for free for the rest of my life. The problem is I have to show evidence it got broke, so you'll have to kill it and make it look like an accident, ok?" Jack patted Mac on the shoulder. Mac slid forward and yelped in panic. Jack grabbed his collar and tugged the blonde back on their precarious ledge. Jack kept a hand on Mac. He was an ugly shade of pale Jack had never seen.

"You good?" Mac slowly turned and shot Jack with the full power of his glare. Ouch, "Don't know why you're so scared. We've been in tighter places. Remember Cai-"

"Jack, if you finish that sentence I will end you." Mac gritted. Jack laughed and pulled out his phone he leaned forward and took pictures of the green land over a mile below them.

"Look at that green, I never been up here during rainy season." Jack scrolled through his phone, "Look! It looks up weather!" Jack leaned over and jarred Mac as he held out the phone. Jack could feel Mac's claws goughe deeper.

"Sorry, my bad. Hey, look there's search and rescue! Hey guys!" Jack waved and lifted his phone to snap pictures of the helicopter as it swapped closer. He nudged Mac again.

"Ja-"

"It's almost over, brother!" Jack enthused. He leaned in, "Selfie!" Jack leaned back chuckling happy.

"Jack." Jack looked up. The helicopter raised above them and a rubber cage was being lowered toward them.

"Oh, it's ok. We got it." Jack leaned out and snapped pictures of the life rescuers coming toward them.

"Jack, you want me to break your phone?" Mac murmured. Jack grinned.

"If you can't this baby would be the answer to my-"

"Make it look like an accident?" Mac hissed.

"Well, yeah. Maybe you could spill something on it in the lab or-" Mac reached out snatched the phone from Mac's hand and tossed it away.

"WHAT THE HELL?" Jack roared. He leaned forward to reach for it and fell forward. Mac grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and fell after him. Jack opened his mouth to scream when he painfully landed in a net. Mac flopped on top of him. Jack rolled over and gently kicked Mac off him. Both men stared up at the chain above them as they were slowly cranked toward the hovering helicopter.

The wind and rain spun the rescue donut in circles. Jack closed his eyes and moaned.

"I think I'm gonna-" Mac gagged then rolled over puking through the netting below them. Jack grimaced fighting to not follow suit. The world steadied and hands pulled them into the warm helicopter. Jack closed his eyes and took a deep breath as he was given a towel and blanket. He shifted until he faced Mac across the cabin. Mac leaned back. He looked like bleached soggy marble. He shuddered violently under a pile of blankets the medic laid on top of him. Mac opened his eyes and slowly focused on Jack. Mac slowly smiled with relief.

"We made it." He said around chattering teeth.

"Yeah everything's great, except my phone." Jack growled crossing his arms. Mac sighed and slumped onto his side too tired to stay sitting. Jack followed suit ignoring the medics working around them.

"You...you wanted it dead...and...like an accident." Mac's eyes were heavy. He laid limp as the medics slicked him out of his wet gear and bundled him with heated blankets. Mac wrinkled his nose when nasal oxygen was hooked up. Jack coughed and put on his own O2.

"With evidence, man. No lifetime warranty without evidence." Mac tiredly laughed.

"Shoulda taken...photo…" Jack glared at him.

"Oh, har har." Jack leaned back and held out his arm for a blood pressure, "You have no respect for my stuff, dude."

"Sign...of...affection, right?" Mac smiled and seemed to melt into a puddle under the blankets. Jack laughed and shook his head.

"Yeah, I suppose so." Mac pushed his eyes up and held out his fist. His face was serious a minute.

"Jack-" Jack bumped his fist and laid back closing his eyes.

"I don't mind, partner. I already have a pretty good lifetime warranty. As long as we're together we both do." Jack murmured feeling a warm wave of sleep seep over him.

"Yeah... thanks brother." Mac whispered. They were both quite a long minute.

"Plus I'll get to see the red head again."

"Good point." Jack curled onto his side and snuggled into the pillow.

"Just wish I knew her name."

"Could always call her?"

"Har, har. I ever tell you what happened to the dog my dad had?"

"Uh-hum."

"It involved a leech, clippers and a trip to the vet. He was never a he again. Get it?" Jack growled. Suddenly Mac broke into a loud snore. Jack smiled and gave into sleep. Yep, lifetime warranty. Now he just had to find another phone.


End file.
